Written by Fleur Rabanal, Tāmaki Regeneration
Voyaging on each Retreat of The Mana Moana Experience, I collect a piece of me again. Each retreat, I welcome a facet of my essential being home again. Reclaiming the innate; the roots of my tupuga (ancestors), guiding lovingly, they call “take all of us, your ancestors, your history, your culture, harness us and welcome us home.”
Retreat 3: Va Hala meant being welcomed home again by physical presence. Finally, a hug! It was incredible to be embraced by my beautiful Mana Moana aiga. Whilst COVID may have physically separated us at our last retreat, it had also exposed the strength of connections through our va- our relational space. Over the next few days of our retreat often without realising, we moved as one. Together we continued to unpack our systems both internally and externally. As COVID had unearthed the various Hala (paths) we had been navigating in our spaces, Mana Moana had unearthed the different perspectives we were standing in as Pacific Leaders, from vaka (frontline response), to trees (system response) to mauga (spiritual response.)
Part of exploring view from mauga was understanding how self-knowledge and self-love were vital components to our leadership. For a long time, I had disconnected this from my leadership, working in an external system that often thrust you between strategic and frontline firefighting, there was an unwillingness to dive deep into components of my own leadership that had stemmed from vulnerability, insecurity and from pain. There was also real fear, this system had hurt me, my aiga and my community and I had sheltered it purposely from understanding the full diversity of my being. It had become easier to carry on leading with a hardened shell built up by resilience, and survival mode then to unpack, and bring healing to the effect these components had on me.
The Mana Moana Experience would ask me to lean into this truth, it enveloped me in the strength and wisdom of our tupuga and opened my eyes, mind and heart to what had been deemed as too “ancient”, “spiritual” or “indigenous.” It would ask me to feel, rather than see and it would encourage lovingly to tap into my internal system in order to understand the impact this would have on myself as a leader of collective outcomes.
This is a journey (three Retreats deep), and I am being healed but also challenged. It didn’t just click overnight; I would sit with each Retreat’s pou and start to understand what it would mean for myself within the world we worked and lived in.
Strength of the ngahere.
During a retreat activity, I was standing at the base of the Kitekite Falls in the Piha ngahere (bush, forest) witnessing this incredible system, and as I soaked in its ecology, all of a sudden this concept that had been described, became apparent. This was a system with connections that couldn’t be quantified, nor analytically described. This was a system that had to be felt.
It had been gifted by Atua, by ancestors, by whenua and moana. It reminded me that the system we live and work in is also living, deeply interconnected, full of energy, full of mauri (life force), and so dependent on alofa atu and alofa mai. It would ask me to be mindful of impact given and impact received.
I came away from the ngahere with power rooted in my truth, all my facets becoming a flame.
Va Hala affirmed the path of standing intently in my truth, unbinding the hidden and hardened. I continue to challenge myself to bring my whole self to this system I fear, and to do so with deep alofa. Mindful that as leaders we must also enable the process of bringing others into the va, sharing its power to connect, its safe embrace to allow all whom step into it, to also bring their whole selves. As we become more empowered and free, we hear the calling from our ancestors to ensure that with whatever capacity or power we may have, we use this to enable others to also feel free.
The words Dr. Manulani Aluli Meyer expressed during our retreat will always have an enduring impact on my life. She spoke about the indigenous Hawaiian concept of Makawalu- “to see with eight eyes, to view things with wide-open readiness, to experience the worldʻs interconnection, to practice the art of effulgent coherence, and to inhabit your deepest principles.”
Every day I wake up with the intent of Makawalu: to stand boldly in my every facet and to harness the power of my vulnerability - not only to see but to deeply feel. To welcome my tupuga, my past, my present. Born of alofa into a place of va, I welcome you home again.
Did Fleur’s story resonate with you? This is one of many courageous, enriching and impactful journeys on The Mana Moana Experience.
Are you a mid-career Pasifika leader who cares for the future of New Zealand? Do you know someone who is? Applications for our 2021 Experience are OPEN NOW. https://www.leadershipnz.co.nz/applications-faqs