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It Depends on Whose Hand is In

Written by Malaea Nikolao, Tāmaki Regeneration Company

Writing this reflection taught me I have not fully landed. I’m present, engaging, hearing... But my feet have not touched nor dug into the ground.  

Through the four days of our first retreat there were phrases and words which stood out for me. I’m very aware of what I can bring to the circle, and it could potentially cause an entanglement. This could also be the reason I haven’t fully landed. 

I’ve themed this reflection “it depends on whose hand is in,” as I unpack those stand out words and phrases. 

Awakening of past traumas/naming what turns up in the va. I wrestled with this because the reawakening of these things could potentially leave people broken and wounded. It’s not helpful in my opinion, and how can we go to war with wounded soldiers? 

  • Traumas/past traumas in the hands of any individual can become however they choose to handle it. In the hand of a stranger, it can become dangerously poisonous, in the hand of an equipped individual, it can become fuel for a fire, its thirst never quenched. But in the hand of a healed restored builder, it can build/establish a sure foundation for an unwavering cause for generations to come. 

Dismantling of systemic racism, should one choose to stay in the system then they’re perpetuating this very system. Again, the wrestling continues... I was raised to choose words carefully and to speak with wisdom. I’m not suggesting this was said without wisdom. But I’m part of a system which is assisting our aigas, and I’m refusing to accept that I’m perpetuating anything by staying in the system... However, while in it I am not afraid to stand, and I’m choosing to make it count, by chipping at one person at a time with kindness and boldness. 

  • Systems are man-made. When we understand our position of influence then we know who, what, how and when to influence change. Systems know no feelings and are familiar only with boundaries set by founding bodies to protect it from the human factor. We influence through kindness, goodness, and grace. When we wage war with an ancient system, we experience hurt, trauma, exhaustion, anger, frustration etc. 

  • Dismantling institutions however, now that I agree with... The wisdom of how to do this in the hand of an equipped, empowered leader can dismantle institutions with grace, without aggression in their voices nor with raised hands, and still have their crown of honour intact.  

We are our best selves when we are at our calmest – this I thought was an amazing way to set the tone of this journey. When we are at our calmest we will recognize the mana of our ancestors who fought for us: I am sure if they wanted one thing from us, it would be not to shoulder their pain, but to pick up the baton, run clothed in their strength/warrior spirit, and keep winning.  

  • This wisdom in the hand of a courageous leader will bring change, big or small, no matter where they’re positioned. 

  • This phrase for me means that I will not, and refuse to, give the story of colonisation, systemic racism, or discrimination any more power than it has had. I am courageous, I am a LEADER, and I am destined for greatness. I am not defined by the past nor the colour of my skin. 

HEALED LEADERS HEAL OTHERS; WOUNDED LEADERS WOUND OTHERS.  

I look forward to the other legs of the journey. The song “This is ME” of The Greatest Showman captures how I felt about this first leg of the journey with NZLP. 

SOIFUA MA IA MANUIA